|
Home Stories by Author Stories by Title Links |
|
Nevertheless By: slick1969
Summary: A continuation of sorts to "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'". Mac has gotten herself into trouble; will Harm bail her out this time? Rating: IM15 Disclaimer: JAG belongs to Donald Bellisario and Paramount. The song Nevertheless was recorded by Frank Sinatra. Spoilers: Anything through Season 10 is possible. Author's Note: This is dedicated to ibiza, who specifically requested this be written.
Sunday Morning Harm's Apartment
Harm's phone rang, waking him from a restless sleep. Looking at the caller ID, he saw it was Mac. He was tempted to not answer, just to see what she'd do.
But when it came down to it, he couldn't do that to her. He still loved her and she was in trouble.
"Rabb." He answered the phone just as if it was an ordinary day, an ordinary call.
"Harm?" She said his name in a grateful whisper. "You're home."
"Where else would I be?" he asked sarcastically, then reconsidered. "I'm sorry, Mac."
"No, I'm the one who should apologize." She paused. "I guess you got my message ..."
"Yeah, I did." Harm was surprised at how casual his voice sounded. Not a quaver or crack to betray his emotions. "Do you want me to come by?"
"Could you?" She sounded relieved. "When can you ... I'm sorry. Just give me a call before you're on your way over. I'll wait."
"I just need to shower and shave and then I'll be on my way."
"Thanks." They hung up.
Harm quickly showered and got dressed. Within ten minutes, he was in his car, driving to Mac's apartment. What am I doing? he asked himself.
He knocked on Mac's door. She opened the door, wearing her pajamas. She was pale and her eyes had dark circles under them, like she'd been crying or ill. Or both. "How are you feeling?" he asked gently, guiding her to the sofa with his hand. "Awful. Morning sickness is no picnic." She collapsed onto the sofa, entirely drained of her usual vitality and energy. "And seeing Webb yesterday didn't help, I'm sure." Harm figured he'd talk about that right away, rather than avoiding it. "No, it didn't. But I'd been suspecting something for the past week or so. He'd been avoiding me, using work as an excuse. I'd call and he wouldn't answer or he'd tell me he was away on assignment and couldn't talk." Mac looked down at her hands, unable to meet Harm's eyes. "So I decided to go by Clay's place yesterday, and saw for myself what he really was doing." Harm lifted her chin and smiled at her. "Forget about him. You've got bigger concerns," and he pointed down at her belly, still flat, but with new life growing within. Mac shook her head. "I should be excited. It's a miracle. But ..." Harm placed a gentle finger on her lips, silencing her. "No buts. Be happy that Webb gave you this miracle, and move on with your life." "Have you?" Mac asked softly. "Have I what?" Harm replied, a stalling tactic since he knew what she was asking. "Moved on. I was pretty awful to you. Parading my relationship with Clay in front of you. I wouldn't blame you if you hated me and never wanted to speak to me again." "I could never hate you," Harm answered with more emphasis than he intended.
Mac stared at him. Harm held up a hand. "We're not having that conversation right now. It's not the right time. For either of us." She nodded her head in silent agreement. "So, have you had the pregnancy confirmed?" he asked. "I did an EPT earlier this week. I've got an appointment tomorrow at my doctor's. I wanted Clay to come with me, but ... that isn't going to happen." "Do you want me to come along?" Harm couldn't believe he offered to go there as the stand-in friend, when it should have been his baby with Mac. But the happy look in Mac's eyes made it worthwhile. "I'd love that, if it won't be too hard for you." She, too, remembered his offer to "go halves" on a child with her. Harm smiled at her. "For you, it's not too hard." Mac started to smile back at him, but then a funny look came over her face. "Wait ... a minute. I'll be back." She ran off towards the bathroom. Harm realized she was getting sick again. He hurried to join her, not sure what he could do to make her feel better, but not wanting her to suffer alone. Mac's first words to him when he walked in the bathroom were "Go 'way." He ignored her and helped support her while she threw up. Afterwards, he wetted a washcloth and wiped her face, then offered her a glass of water. Then he suggested a warm shower might make her feel better. He waited out in the living room while she showered and changed into sweats and a T-shirt. She came back out and joined him on the sofa, rubbing her hair with a towel. "Now you look much better, Marine," he risked a joke with her, wanting so much to see a smile on her face. "Did I look so bad before?" she retorted. "I imagine you looked about the way you felt. Like you'd been kicked a few times." "That about describes it." They spent the rest of the day together, talking a little, but mostly just enjoying each other's company. It was about 1500 hours before Mac realized she was hungry. Starving, in fact. "What is there to eat here?" she asked, standing in front of the fridge. Harm looked over her shoulder. "If you promise you aren't going to immediately barf it back up, I could be persuaded to cook dinner." "I promise," Mac immediately replied and stepped out of his way. "Besides, someone's got to make sure you're eating healthy. You've got a little one to worry about now." He winked at her. Over dinner, Mac commented, "I've missed this." "Missed what?" Harm's heart skipped a beat. "Just spending the day with you. Not doing anything special. Even," and she waved a fork at him, "eating your health food." "I've missed it, too," he told her.
Monday Morning Doctor's Office
Harm and Mac sat together in the waiting room, flipping pages in magazines they weren't reading. Finally, the receptionist called her name and told them they could go back to the examination room.
"If at any time you're not comfortable with me being there," Harm told Mac as they walked together down the hall, "just tell me and I'll wait outside."
"Trying to get out of your promise, Harm?" Mac tried to tease.
"Never. Just want you to know I'm there for as much or as little as you want."
Harm did stand outside while Mac changed into an examination gown, then joined her, holding her hand as the nurse drew blood for the necessary tests. Still hand in hand, they waited for the doctor to come in and talk to them.
"Hello, Colonel, how are you feeling?" the doctor greeted her.
"Sick. But that's the joy of pregnancy, aren't they?" Mac replied.
"The initial blood test has come back and you are indeed pregnant. Congratulation. I just wanted to ask you a few questions to pinpoint your due date."
"Okay."
The doctor took a pen out of her pocket and shuffled a paper to the top on her clipboard. "When was your last period?" Harm cringed at the question - this was probably more personal information than Mac wanted to share in front of him. But she held his hand tighter, so he stayed by her side.
"Well, they've been pretty irregular, even before the surgery last spring." She thought for a moment. "I guess it was eight, no nine weeks ago."
The doctor nodded her head. "All
right. And intercourse between then and now?"
The doctor's pen stopped moving. "I see."
"I never thought ... I assumed ... I guess it's possible either of them could be the father." Mac's voice faltered at that point and she looked down. She swallowed quickly and continued. "Is there a way you can tell? Even this early?"
"The first thing we can do is check your hormone levels. While it's not exact, it can help us determine how far along you are. And then, when you're further along, we can do blood tests that may eliminate one of the possible fathers." She smiled reassuringly at Mac. "Let's start with the hormone levels first and take it from there."
Suddenly what the doctor and Mac were discussing hit Harm. He could be the father.
Harm and Mac rode together in silence, heading back to her apartment to pick up her car, so they could both go on to work. He pulled in the parking lot and stopped. Mac had her hand on the door handle when he spoke. "Wait a minute. I think there are some things we need to talk about." She sighed. "I agree. But let's wait until we have the results from the doctor on the hormone levels. Depending on what it indicates, we'll have different issues to address. She said she'd put a rush on it and have by the end of today." "What about dinner at my place? Say, about six?" "Works for me. As long as you promise to serve some meat at the meal. I need lots of protein, remember?" she winked at him. "Fine," he replied, rolling his eyes at her. After dropping her off, he went to his office at the Pentagon and began the longest day of his life. He kept wanting to dial Mac and see if she heard from the doctor, but knew that would just put her more on edge as well. He was afraid to think too much about the possibility of fatherhood. If he did and started to get excited, he knew it would get yanked out from under him, and he couldn't live through that. Despite his resolution, he still daydreamed. What would it be like, having a child with Mac? Would they get married? Or would they be "modern" parents, with shared custody and alternating holidays? He knew one thing, though. Whatever the outcome, he would be there for this child, and for Mac.
Monday Evening JAG Headquarters
Harm walked through the bullpen to Mac's office. In just the month since he had left, it had changed somehow.
What hadn't changed, however, was the welcome he got from Bud and the rest of the staff. It put a smile on his face as he knocked on Mac's door.
"Come in," he heard from within. He opened the door and saw a young Navy officer sitting opposite Mac. He'd heard they'd replaced him with a hotshot lawyer - he guessed that's who it was.
"That will be all, Lieutenant," Mac said, and the other man stood at attention and left.
"Breaking in the new guy?" he asked her.
Mac closed her eyes and shook her head. "He wouldn't be so bad, except he thinks he can get by on his charm and good looks. Reminds me of someone I used to know." She elbowed him.
They got to the apartment before discussing what was on their minds. They were both in the kitchen, Mac sitting at the counter, sampling what Harm was chopping and tossing into the skillet.
"I heard from the doctor," Mac told him.
"And?" Harm stopped chopping and waited for her answer.
"There's not too much doubt. Based on the hormone levels, I am at least six weeks pregnant. You're the father."
Harm wanted to drop the kitchen utensils and dance around the room, but he wasn't sure how Mac felt about things. Maybe she really wanted Webb to be the father.
"So what does that mean for us?" he asked, managing not to sound desperate or nervous.
"Come sit with me. I have some explaining to do," and she took him by the hand and led him to the couch. "Remember my last night here?"
"I've tried to forget it," Harm said dryly. "Unsuccessfully."
Mac continued, "When I told you I couldn't give you what you deserved, that wasn't entirely true."
Harm quirked an eyebrow at her. What did she mean by that?
"I was so screwed up. I still am." She leaned away from him. "Instead of taking that leap of faith, into a real relationship with you, I ran."
"To Webb." Harm couldn't help the anger in his voice.
"To Webb." Mac's voice was sad. "Subconsciously, I think I did it because I knew I wouldn't be risking my heart. As I would be with you."
"And now?" Harm's heartbeat sped up.
"I don't think we should leap into a relationship again. Having a child will complicate matters, for sure. But I'd like to take it slow - let both of us be sure of what we're doing. Regain our friendship first, and let anything else happen naturally," and she looked shyly up at him.
"I'd like nothing better," he said. With a smile that made his heart skip a beat, she gave him a hug. But nevertheless I'm in love with you The End. |